Peer Response 3

Your comments and advice are not restricted to the numbered items below: if other ideas for improving the paper occur to you, share them.  Feel free to mark on the draft, but write your response to the questions below on separate paper.  Give your response to the paper's author so that he or she can review your suggestions and turn in your response with his or her final draft.  And in a tactful way, be mean!  Be critical! Be helpful!

1. Read the draft through once quickly and point out any of the major requirements listed here that the paper doesn't appear to meet:

2. Evaluate the introduction and make suggestions for improvement. Consider:

  • ¶ development. Make specific suggestions for more effective setting up of the topic in thorough and engaging fashion.
  • Consider whether the ¶ flows smoothly into the intro question at the end of the ¶ and make specific suggestions for improving the flow into the question.
  • Suggest improvements in the intro question itself, considering particularly whether it addresses the assigned topic squarely and directly.
  • 3. Underline the topic sentence of each body ¶ on the draft.  If there is no obvious topic sentence in any body ¶, suggest one.  Make suggestions for improving existing topic sentences—note that each topic sentence should answer the intro question squarely and directly. Also underline and evaluate the thesis statement, which should appear in the conclusion.

    4. Point out any places where the author discusses one sex or the other suffering that doesn't necessarily involve stereotypes or cultural expectations.

    5. Evaluate the author's structuring of main points in body ¶'s: if the author discusses more than a single stereotype in any body ¶, consider whether the tactic is effective. If you think the author would do well to reorganize any body ¶'s, say so and explain why.

    6. Point out weaknesses in the opposing viewpoint—consider especially whether the author treats the opposing view fairly and thoroughly enough. Suggest specific improvements in explaining how each stereotype or cultural expectation causes suffering for the gender in question.

    7. Of the main points on the author's side of the argument, which is least strong? And why? Make specific suggestions in how to improve this weakest of the author's primary points.

    8. Make suggestions for making the stronger of the author's main points even stronger.

    9. Point out ¶'s that seem too brief or undeveloped (including the conclusion).  Make specific suggestions for improving underdeveloped ¶'s—that is, explain precisely how these ¶'s might be developed more effectively. 

    10. Point out any "busy" or overly long ¶'s that make more than one major point—indicate where the author should break these ¶'s into smaller units.

    11. Identify places within the body ¶'s where particular claims need more explanation, evidence, or illustration to make the points more effective.  Offer specific suggestions.

    12. Suggest improvements in the author's use of quotations. Too many quotes?  Too few?  Suggest specific articles the author might quote to illustrate the paper's primary assertions more effectively.  Suggest improvements in the introduction of quotes (Nugget 3).

    13. Indicate any words that strike you as awkward; indicate any words you think the author may be using incorrectly.

    14. Grammar and mechanics—especially "simple stuff," golden rules and nuggets, and quotes and documentation.