Peer response 4

Your comments and suggestions are not limited to the items below.  Read the paper through once completely, then concentrate on these primary areas:
 

• Effectiveness of the introduction—point out weaknesses and make specific suggestions for improving the paragraph in any respects needed. If the introduction is less than half a page in length, suggest concrete ways of developing the paragraph more effectively.

• Make specific suggestions for improvement of the thesis statement or statement of purpose. First consider whether the introduction ends with a clear indication of the paper's overall point or central focus. Does the thesis or statement of purpose include both men and women? Does it address the assignment squarely by reiterating key words from the assignment itself? Other weaknesses?

• Consider the overall focus of the essay—look for places where the paper might be straying from the stated central topic (or thesis). Pay especial attention to each body paragraph's opening sentence: does each paragraph open with a strong topic sentence reiterating the key words from the thesis or statement of purpose? Suggest specific improvements in topic sentences.

• Consider whether the author treats cultural expectations in roughly equal proportions for both men and women. Explain where the discussion seems too thin or out of balance and suggest improvements.

• Make specific suggestions for improvement in structure or organization. Is the organization of body paragraphs effective? Is the logic of the organization of paragraphs treating men and women effective? Would the author do better to move or rearrange paragraph order in places?

• Point out any of the various cultural expectations that need more development or explanation. Make specific suggestions for how to develop any of these expectations or stereotypes in need of more elaboration.

• Point out any places where the author should be more thorough in explaining the problems caused by a particular stereotype or cultural expectation. Does the author usually consider how people suffer both if they follow and if they defy gender expectations?

• Point out paragraphs that seem too brief or undeveloped—or too long and "busy."  Make specific suggestions for improving underdeveloped paragraphs: don't just say "explain more";offer concrete, helpful suggestions. If paragraphs are too long, suggest where the points might be divided into separate, more effective units.

• Any points not convincingly explained?  What makes them unconvincing?  Offer specific suggestions for improvement.

• Effectiveness of conclusion—make very specific suggestions for improving or sharpening the thesis statement. If the conclusion is less than roughly half a page in length, suggest specific ways of expanding the paragraph.

• Effectiveness of quotations. Do they offer significant support for the author's claims, or do any seem simply "thrown in" to meet the assignment requirements? Suggest specific articles or passages that the author might quote to illustrate the paper's primary assertions more effectively. 

• Point out any quotations that need more comment or explanation.

• Grammar, mechanics, and and word choice—special attention to GR, Nugget, QD, SS, and WP items.